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Dangers of 'rose-colored glasses' in relationships: Explanation from psychologist

Dangers of 'rose-colored glasses' in relationships: Explanation from psychologist The dangers of "rose-colored glasses" in relationships (photo: Freepik)

"Rose-colored glasses" or idealization is a story about cognitive filters, and perceptual errors. This is how people distance themselves from reality, and along with it, from critical thinking. This phenomenon is particularly characteristic at the beginning of relationships.

A Ukrainian psychologist Olha Holentovska talks about what can actually be hidden behind "rose-colored glasses".

Dangers of 'rose-colored glasses' in relationships

"In the romantic stage, it's easy to overlook some flaws or differences because infatuation with another person smoothes out all the rough patches. At this moment, it's important to be vigilant and give yourself time to observe. There is a risk of excessive idealization of the partner, followed by possible disappointments," says the psychologist.

She advises paying attention to the following points and drawing the right conclusions.

Partner agrees with everything

A partner who agrees with everything, attempts to adapt and make things as convenient as possible for you, and doesn't oppose your opinions.

What could be the reasons:

  1. Desire to appear better than reality

  2. Anxiety or insecurity

  3. Fear of expression or making mistakes

Partner does everything perfectly

The partner behaves very controlled. They present information selectively and in the best light, paying attention to details to create an impressive image.

Things to consider:

  1. Lack of information about the real personality

  2. Uncertainty about behavior in stressful or unexpected situations

  3. Presence of concrete facts about the partner, not just words

Does not handle criticism well

When expressing dissatisfaction or disagreement with your partner's position, you are met with a barrage of complaints and defensiveness.

Possible reasons could include:

  1. Difficulty in accepting disapproval or criticism

  2. Having many prejudices and self-imposing pressure

  3. Desire for dominance and having the final say

Does not acknowledge control

The partner asserts that one should only do what they want, as they do not acknowledge control.

Possible reasons could include:

  1. Distancing from the belief that their thoughts influence others

  2. Devaluing personal boundaries and the partner's sense of security

  3. Resorting to manipulation and imposing their beliefs

Critiques you for emotions

Your partner behaves reservedly, especially not displaying their own emotions, but criticizes you for behaving differently.

The reasons may include:

  1. Different temperaments
  2. Personal beliefs that emotions should be restrained and not displayed outwardly
  3. If a person has a secure attachment style, they will never criticize a partner for what they feel and express.

Wants to make the relationship perfect

The partner asserts that you are not fully committing yourself to the relationship, expressing a desire to make the relationship perfect.

Things to consider:

  1. The desire to criticize or shame is a rather primitive way to influence a person

  2. It's not the same as ecologically discussing unmet needs in relationships and what to do about them

"Be vigilant about 'rose-colored glasses' and try to understand what truly guides your partner when making decisions. Analyze facts and perspectives. Of course, none of the mentioned signs should be a label or judgment for a person. So, time and observation are crucial. Don't force events; in a relationship, it should be good for both when both feel understood and heard," says Holentovska.

Earlier, we wrote about how to get rid of resentment in relationships.

Also, read about overcoming anxiety and catastrophic thinking that can ruin your life.