Why we dream of better life yet panic when it starts to happen — Psychologist's insight
Why we crave change but get scared when it happens (photo: Freepik)
We often say "I want to change everything," but when a real opportunity appears, we start to doubt, delay, or sabotage our own decisions. The fear of change is not weakness but a self-protection mechanism ingrained in us through evolution. Ukrainian family and holistic psychologist Anna Bohomolets explained why we fear change even when we want a better life, and how we unconsciously block it ourselves.
Why the brain plays games with us
The brain seeks stability and predictability, so it perceives any new circumstances as a threat. Even if change brings potential improvement, it still requires adaptation—and that always consumes energy.
This is what is called "cognitive dissonance," the phenomenon when the desired future comes into conflict with the familiar past.
"The fear of change is a natural part of our psyche. The brain is wired to seek stability and predictability because, in evolutionary history, that ensured survival. The amygdala, the brain's 'anxiety center,' reacts to anything new as a potential threat. Even if we strive for something better, the first signs of the unknown trigger an 'anxiety defense' mechanism," the psychologist explains.
Essentially, we're not afraid of change itself but of the uncertainty that comes with it. Even discomfort can feel safe if it's familiar to us.
Why change causes anxiety
According to Anna Bohomolets, we strive for growth, development, and new opportunities, but, at the same time, we fear losing what is already familiar, even if it does not bring us happiness.
That's why inner conflict arises naturally: the desire for a better life clashes with the fear of losing control.
"Often we postpone decisions, stay in the 'zone of familiar discomfort,' and choose the feeling of safety over potential freedom. Scientific studies show that the fear of change can be regulated through mindfulness and structured planning. When we break big changes into smaller steps, explore new things without pressure, and note our observations, the brain receives the signal: 'this is not a threat but an opportunity," the expert explains.
She added that this approach strengthens the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for rational planning and emotional control, and helps reduce the amygdala's response.
Why the brain resists even positive changes
Uncertainty triggers the fear of losing control. The brain doesn't like "blank spots," so it prefers the old but predictable.
Change requires new effort. Our habits are automatic programs, and any "system update" consumes more energy.
There's a risk of failure. Subconsciously, we fear that if we change something, we might lose what we already have.
Social factors also play a role. Change can provoke misunderstanding from others: "What's wrong with you?" It is a typical reaction that reinforces our inner resistance.
How to overcome the fear of change
The best way is not to fight the changes themselves but to work with the internal mechanism that signals, "I don't feel safe." To do this, it's important to acknowledge your fear, break the changes into small steps, and shift your focus.
Ask yourself not "what can I lose," but "what can I gain."
And don't forget about the support of loved ones. People who believe in you reduce the sense of uncertainty and provide a feeling of safety.
"True inner freedom comes when we learn to see fear as a compass, not as an obstacle. When we acknowledge anxiety but still take a step toward our desired life, we turn change into a bridge to personal growth, not a source of paralyzing fear," concludes Anna Bohomolets.
