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Psychologist identifies fatal mistake leading to conflict in communication

Psychologist identifies fatal mistake leading to conflict in communication Illustrative photo (Photo: Freepik)
Author: Daria Shekina

Sometimes conflicts arise due to differences in communication styles or misunderstandings. Although conflicts are sometimes unavoidable, some can be prevented by analyzing our behavior and avoiding certain actions. What leads to conflict in communication explains psychologist Yulia Damochkina on Instagram.

What mistake leads to conflicts

According to Yulia, it's a certain bias that leads to further misunderstanding, offense, and termination of communication. Specifically, it's the unconscious belief of "what's good for me is good for everyone" - projecting one's own experience onto others.

This affects communication with others, can ruin relationships, complicate achieving goals, and negotiations in business. Even more, it's about how a person conducts a discussion, builds a dialogue, argues their position, and their ability to compromise.

What ruins communication

As Yulia writes, bias can take various forms, relating to views on relationships, values, attitudes towards work, career, and health. Yulia also gives examples of common mistaken beliefs.

  • "I know better what's right. If you disagree with me, the problem is with you."

At the same time, according to the psychologist, there are no two identical life experiences. Various factors such as upbringing, parental attitudes, environment, temperament, which shape personality and determine their actions and decisions, are unique.

  • "If health is a priority for me, then it should be for everyone. And if not, they're a failure."

Instead of health, family, relationships, or business might be a priority for someone else - but each person will have their own system of values, shaped by society and cultural customs. By exclusively considering something through the lens of our own values, we ignore the efforts that person may be making to achieve their goal.

Psychologist identifies fatal mistake leading to conflict in communicationAnother person may have their priorities (Photo: Freepik)

  • "If my relationships are perfect, then everyone's should be harmonious too. Situations like divorce or violence definitely can't happen."

Undoubtedly, it's great if one hasn't encountered abuse or harsh treatment. However, one person's positive experience cannot negate another's negative experience. Additionally, processing and addressing traumas also affect perception, needs, emotional boundaries, and behavior patterns.

Thus, something that brings happiness to one person may evoke painful memories for another. Consequently, beliefs may not only have arguments for refutation but also in their favor.

How to avoid conflict

Yulia emphasizes that without knowing a person's life path and traumas, one shouldn't insist on their own view. Ignoring someone's feelings and thoughts is a manifestation of indifference, and sometimes even cruelty.

According to the psychologist, accepting another person's thoughts is the greatest show of respect for them. However, this doesn't mean changing one's own opinion or agreeing with the interlocutor's position, but simply not denying either one's experience or that of others. And of course, it should be mutual.

Otherwise, it's best to conclude communication constructively and seek an environment close to values and views.

Also, read about how a woman's words affect a man's self-esteem.