Why children lie? Hidden truth that surprises parents
Why children start lying to their parents (photo: Freepik)
Children don't lie because they're "bad" or "sneaky." Most of the time, lying is a psychological signal, a response to a need or emotion. The real reason is often very different from what parents imagine. Psychologist and art therapist Olena Dorohavtseva from the Unbreakable Mental Rehabilitation Center at the Masha Foundation reveals parental phrases that most often trigger children to start lying.
Sometimes children start lying not because of a "bad character," but because of things adults say that create fear, shame, or a sense of danger. A few common phrases can quietly teach a child that telling the truth isn't safe or worth it.
If you tell the truth, I won't be mad
Parents often say this to reassure a child. But if the child is still met with yelling or punishment afterward, they quickly conclude: telling the truth is dangerous.
"After a few situations like this, a child's brain learns: it's safer to deny or make something up," warns the psychologist.
I'll find out the truth anyway!
This phrase sounds like a threat. The child goes into defense mode. Instead of being honest, they start inventing new versions, shifting blame, or hiding details, because their main goal is to avoid punishment.
You really disappointed me
A child's need for parental love is fundamental. Hearing this phrase can create fear: "If I do something wrong, they might stop loving me."
"To avoid that pain, the child may hide mistakes, embellish reality, or say what they think the parents want to hear," the expert notes.
Look at what other kids can do, and you can't
Comparisons like this can create a strong sense of shame. The child starts thinking: "There's something wrong with me," or "It's better not to show my mistakes." This often leads to phrases like, "I already did it," or "The teacher didn't assign anything." It's a way for the child to protect themselves from the pain and shame of comparison.
Just try to lie!
Paradoxically, strict bans on lying often make it worse. Because the child begins to fear not just making a mistake, but also the reaction to it. As a result, lying becomes a survival tool.
"Children rarely lie on their own. Most often, lying occurs when a child fears judgment, punishment, or the loss of parental love. When there's trust in the family, a calm reaction to mistakes, and a willingness to listen, the need to lie gradually disappears on its own," the specialist explains.
This material is for informational purposes only and should not be used for medical diagnosis or self-treatment. Our goal is to provide readers with accurate information about symptoms, causes, and methods of detecting diseases. RBС-Ukraine is not responsible for any diagnoses that readers may make based on materials from the resource. We do not recommend self-treatment and advise consulting a doctor in case of any health concerns.
