Nobody's perfect: How to become ideal parents for your child

List of questions

Psychologist Nataliia Movchan told us how to prepare for the role of mom and dad.

In particular, there are several questions, the conscious answers to which will help you, as a parent, to orient yourself and trust yourself:

• How can I take care of my well-being and that of my child at the same time?
• Where can I find resources for myself and how will I organize my rest?
• What kind of example do I want to set for my child about how to cope with difficulties in life?
• What mistakes do I want to avoid and what can I do to do so now?
• What help might I need and where can I find it?
• What knowledge and skills do I currently lack, and where can I find out or learn them?

The answers will surprise you, make you angry, make you happy - and that's okay because you are planning to give birth and raise a human being.

At some point, you may feel like you are not capable of being a parent at all. You should not ignore these feelings - give yourself time and space for such doubts, as they can help you choose an easier path.

Influence of experience

It should be borne in mind that each of us comes to raising our children from our childhood. It is most likely that at first, you will unconsciously choose the examples you received from your parents.

Your parents may have made mistakes, but they were probably just doing the best they could given the circumstances of their lives.

And you will do the same.

Too much anxiety and worry prevents you and your child from breathing freely and enjoying the new day.

Too much learning interferes with play, which is the driving force behind a child's development. Too much instruction prevents your child from seeing you as a close person they can trust.

Why it's not easy to be a parent

First of all, it concerns the conflict between expectations and reality. Some children like to sleep with their parents, others like to sleep in a separate crib. Some sleep peacefully throughout the night, while others have many naps.

Some children start walking at 10 months, while others need time. And there are many such examples because all children are different! Tune in to an individualized approach to your child's needs.

Here is what can help:

• First of all, remember to be respectful. No matter how old your child is, you are looking at a person who needs respect, empathy, and close communication
• focus on the balance between convenience and safety. For example, if a child likes to sleep with his or her mother, organize a safe space in a shared bed
• Choose and develop your parenting style. Have the courage to provide space for your own opinion, choosing among thousands of other people's opinions
• Ignore theories, articles, and books if they don't fit your child's characteristics. All people are unique.

All your actions should be free of humiliation, intimidation, and judgment if the goal is to raise your child without trauma.

Here's a list of some helpful statements that you can rely on:

• be reliable instead of perfect
• be positive instead of scared
• be consistent
• remember about exceptions to any rule
• know your child instead of expecting perfect behavior
• adults are responsible for the emotional background of the family
• the biggest mistake of parenting: "Let's wait, he will outgrow it"
• praising means noticing what needs to be fixed, showing care
• corporal punishment does not work
• asking for forgiveness is a manifestation of strength
• expressing feelings is a manifestation of life
• promising something that cannot be fulfilled means losing trust
• all children are different! Each child needs to have his/her place in the family.