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How childhood needs shape your love language: Understanding connection

How childhood needs shape your love language: Understanding connection The language of love in adulthood will tell you what you lacked in childhood. (Photo:
Author: Daria Shekina

According to the theory of love languages developed by pastor and Ph.D. Gary Chapman in 1992, each person gives and receives love differently. Much of this depends on the love language that was present in the family and how parents showed their attention and affection. In adulthood, it is possible to determine what you lacked in childhood.

Psychologies explains how to understand from your love language what you lacked in childhood.

According to Gary Chapman, there are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. These love languages manifest in romantic, friendly, or family relationships.

"If we want to effectively communicate with people from other cultures, we must learn their language. The same applies to love. Your sentimental love language and your partner's language may differ as much as Chinese differs from French," he assures in his book "The Five Love Languages."

And it's entirely possible that our childhood relationships affect our communication in love.

According to Gary Chapman, understanding your love language and your partner's language will improve relationships. According to this theory, partners could better respond to each other's needs and see their needs more fulfilled.

However, in his opinion, using the same love language as your partner would be an effective way to ensure satisfaction in the relationship. What if the love language was not so much a way to improve our romantic relationships as a way to better understand ourselves?

In any case, this is what psychotherapist Bobby Banks asks about.

"Love languages often tell us how we want to be loved and receive love, but I wonder if they can also tell us what we lacked in childhood," she asserts.

Inspiring words: This language may reflect a lack of recognition, compliments, and feelings of inadequacy due to excessive criticism in childhood.

Quality time: Lack of attention, feelings of loneliness, feeling invisible, unnoticed, and unheard may influence the need to share precious moments with loved ones in adulthood.

Acts of service: People who value acts of service may have needed to be independent from an early age, take care of others, or take responsibility.

Physical touch: This love language may accompany a lack of affection and discomfort with certain gestures in childhood.

Gifts: Children who feel unthought of and unnoticed, and who never received significant gifts, may need material things to feel love for others.

By the way, we previously wrote about how a man can ruin his family himself.

We also talked about 11 non-obvious reasons that can make you unhappy.