Why people go back to their exes? Five key reasons named
Why you want to get back together with your ex-partners after a breakup (photo: freepik.com)
A breakup is the end. But why does the thought, "Maybe we could still be together," so often come to mind? It's not just nostalgia or weakness — real psychological mechanisms are at play.
Ukrainian life coach and sexologist Vitalii Kursik explained to RBC-Ukraine (Styler project) why people often feel the urge to return to a former partner after a breakup.
Comfort zone is stronger than logic
According to the expert, even if a relationship was far from perfect, it was familiar. The human brain resists change and tries to bring us back to what we know — even if it didn’t make us happy.
Idealizing the past
With time, memories fade, erasing the negatives and leaving only the good moments.
"You no longer remember the arguments, misunderstandings, or pain. Instead, you vividly recall the laughter, passionate nights, and that 'special connection,'" the coach explains.
Fear of loneliness
Regardless of who initiated the breakup, being alone can be a scary experience. Going back to an ex may seem like an easy and quick way to fill the void.
Emotional dependence
Long-term relationships create bonds not only on an emotional level but also through changes in brain chemistry. If your partner was a source of support, joy, or even conflict, the breakup can feel like withdrawal.
Fear of the unknown
After a breakup, you have to rebuild your life — change habits, meet new people, and form new relationships.
"It's difficult and uncertain. The old option feels familiar and simple," the expert adds.
Should you go back?
If the breakup was impulsive and both partners are willing to work on their mistakes, sometimes a second chance is worth considering.
But if the relationship ended due to incompatibility, toxicity, or a lack of love, going back is just an escape from loneliness.
"If you're unsure about your feelings, a coach can help you step back and understand — do you truly want this, or are you just afraid of the unknown? The only reason to return is if you're certain it's what you truly want," Kursik concludes.
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