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Why it's totally okay to not want kids

Why it's totally okay to not want kids Why not wanting children is normal (photo: Freepik)

Not every person wants to have children, although it's often said that continuing the family line is the main purpose of everyone on this earth. And in reality, this is not a deviation from the system - it's the norm, because each of us has a different perception and feeling of the world, according to the psychological portal Mentoly.

Why the absence of a desire to have children is normal

Sometimes we feel pressure from family, friends, and society in general, which believe that motherhood or parenthood is an essential part of everyone's life.

But is it really necessary to meet others' expectations? Is it normal not to want children?

Yes, because the absence of a desire to have children is normal and it's your conscious choice. A child should be born out of love, and if you simply don't feel this love towards children and don't see yourself in the role of a parent who cares for a little child, it's better not to succumb to pressure, as your child could be unhappy due to a lack of love and attention. Many people simply may not want to have children.

Perhaps you don't particularly like children, don't feel parental instincts or inclinations. This is your personal life decision that doesn't require any explanations or justifications.

Чому відсутність бажання мати дітей вважається нормальним

Why not wanting children is normal (photo: Freepik)

Repetition of unhealthy family patterns

Your childhood experiences and family history suggest that you don't want the same for yourself or your children. Or you don't want a child to grow up in a family where they aren't wanted.

Loss of social life

For some, travel is an important value that doesn't align with raising children. The loss of close ties with friends and the inability to continue creative self-discovery can also fall into this category.

Commitment to achieving career goals

You feel passionate about your work and want to dedicate your time, energy, and a significant portion of your life to it.

We don't exclude other reasons, such as:

  • Expenses associated with raising a child
  • Fear of childbirth
  • Health conditions/medical indications
  • Uncertainty and lack of trust in a partner
  • Concerns about social issues (inequality, bullying, racism, fertility issues, etc.)
  • Unwillingness to take on responsibility

If you're unsure whether you want children due to your conscious choice or external pressure, we suggest trying the following exercise.

Ann Davidman, a therapist dedicated to helping people understand their desire for parenthood, has devoted her career to this.

Take some time (from one to 3 months) to think about this issue:

  1. Create two lists - one with all your fears regarding the presence/absence of children, and the other with things that concern you - health, career, relationship status, etc.
  2. Set aside these lists and reflect on what you want and why you want what you want.
  3. Write about how you envision your life.
  4. Consider the attitudes about childbirth you received from your parents, religion, and society.
  5. Try to imagine, even for a few days, what it's like to be a childless person, and then envision life with a child.
  6. Ask yourself what needs to happen for you to say "yes" or "no" to having a child and feel content with both answers.

This process takes time to explore the choice without pressure and understand what you really want. This will allow you to make an informed and honest decision.

Remember, the decision to have or not have children is deeply personal, and it's a choice you have the right to make - without apologies or explanations that you are not obligated to give to anyone.

Also, read about how perfectionism can harm health.