What really works, and what causes arguments - How to talk about feelings without ruining relationships
How to ralk about feelings to avoid arguments (Photo: freepik.com)
Talking about feelings is important. However, many people do it wrong, and every attempt to speak honestly ends in mutual claims or arguments. How to avoid this?
To explain how to properly talk to a partner about feelings without ruining the relationship, life coach and sexologist Vitalii Kursik exclusively shared his insights.
According to the expert, there are two extremes: staying silent until you explode or saying everything you think without filters. Both are not ideal strategies if you want to do more than just "vent" but be heard.
"Talking about feelings doesn't mean 'dumping' your emotions on your partner like a heavy backpack. It's about a dialogue that strengthens the connection, not one that destroys it," emphasizes the coach.
Mistakes that definitely don't work:
Attacks and accusations. "You don't understand me at all!" — and the person starts defending themselves instead of listening.
Silence and accumulation of resentment. Saying "I'm fine" with a stone face while feeling a storm inside. This is not fine.
Manipulations. "If you love me, you'll do what I want." Love is not bargaining.
Speaking during an emotional outburst. It's hard to express feelings in a state of anger without turning everything into a scandal.
What works better?
Speak from your own perspective. Instead of "You're ignoring me," say "I feel sad when we don't communicate much."
Choose the right moment. Don't start a serious conversation when your partner is tired or busy.
Be specific. Instead of "You don't appreciate me," say "I would like to hear supportive words from you."
Allow room for a response. Dialogue is a two-way process, not a monologue with conclusions.
"Talking about feelings is not about weakness. It's about honesty. And honesty, expressed with care, strengthens even the most difficult relationships," concludes Vitalii Kursik.
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