Listening and hearing: Mastering essential skill for harmonious life
How to learn to listen to yourself and hear what others are saying (photo: Getty Images)
Sometimes, it feels like someone is listening to you, but they're not really hearing you. You talk, explain, even repeat yourself, but all you get in response is a polite "uh-huh" or a standard "I understand you," even though your conversation partner has understood absolutely nothing. Why do we fail to hear others - or even ourselves?
Ukrainian life coach Vitalii Kursik explains exclusively for RBC-Ukraine how to truly hear yourself and learn to listen to others.
According to the expert, there are different situations when we struggle to hear ourselves or others. This greatly harms communication, relationships with loved ones, and, most importantly, ourselves.
"For example, something is bothering you, there's some inexplicable tension inside, but you don't have the strength or desire to stop and figure out what exactly is wrong. You just keep going until this lump of worry becomes too big to ignore. So the question is: why do we so often fail to hear others or ourselves?" the coach says.
Vitalii Kursik explains that hearing yourself is not as simple as it seems.
"We're used to living on autopilot. Morning coffee - and off we go. How's your mood? Seems fine. Something annoying? Well, it happens. Happiness? Sure, it's nice. But if you stop and ask yourself, 'How do I really feel?' the answer might surprise you," the specialist says.
The life coach adds that we also often ignore the internal signals sent by our brain or body.
"For instance, your body is already screaming, 'Hey, I need rest!' but your brain insists, 'Come on, there's still so much to do.' Your heart whispers, 'You don’t feel good here,' but you stubbornly stay in toxic relationships or at a job that drains you completely," Vitalii Kursik explains.
Hearing yourself is not about magic or esotericism - it's about the simple habit of paying attention to your feelings, not dismissing them, and not running away from them.
Hearing others is even harder. But to be honest, listening to others is the real challenge. Because while a person is speaking, you're already forming a response, a counterargument, or thinking of your own story to share.
Isn't that right? Or when someone shares their problems, the urge to give advice kicks in immediately, even though what they really need is just to talk things out.
"Sometimes, we don't even realize that we're not listening - we're just waiting for our turn to speak. And even more, we don't hear what was actually said, but rather what we want to hear," Vitalii Kursik adds.
What can be done about this? Nothing too complicated. Just start with a small step:
- When you feel anxious or exhausted, ask yourself, "What's bothering me right now?"
- When talking to someone, at least once during the conversation, consciously focus on what the person actually wants to say rather than on what you want to respond with.
- Sometimes, just listen. Without advice, without judgment, without "If I were you…"
"It may seem simple, but in practice, it changes everything. And if you realize that you're not very good at listening to yourself or others, you can always practice a little. For example, with a coach. Because sometimes, we need someone to ask the right question so we can finally hear the most important answer," Vitalii Kursik concludes.
Read also how to break up with people who drain you.
