How to learn to make mistakes: Tips for accepting your own failures

How to learn to accept your own mistakes

We may fear making mistakes because aggressive reactions to mistakes in childhood make it difficult for us to accept them now. In childhood, we do not yet fully understand what a mistake is. The only thing we rely on is our parents and other important adults, specifically their reactions. It is their reaction that signals to us what is normal and what is not.

This is how our behavior model is formed in different situations. That is, if in childhood, when accidentally breaking a cup, parents reacted aggressively: using physical violence or punishment, humiliating, shouting, etc., then in the future, a person will try to do everything to avoid mistakes, or more precisely, punishment for them.

High demands on oneself

High demands also develop in childhood. Parents may demand that we be the best, criticize, and compare us with other children: If you continue like this, you will achieve nothing, why can't you be a normal child like my friend's daughter? Everything has to be done for you.

In adulthood, a person may lack the experience of acceptance, and there is a feeling that they can only be loved if they are perfect.

Therefore, people with high demands on themselves strive to meet unrealistic standards. As a result, they do not know how to accept and let go of their failures. The word mistake is associated with a disaster, and there is a constant fear of not meeting their expectations and disappointing others.

Orientation towards the opinion of society

What will others think of me? - this thought often arises in our head before there is even the slightest chance of making a mistake. In reality, sometimes social norms are useful, but they can also be harmful because we can lose ourselves if we rely too much on the opinions of other people.

Judgment from society and a sense of shame are also reasons for the fear of making mistakes. Due to the lack of their own beliefs or upbringing in the style of You have to be good for everyone, a person may be afraid to make a mistake in order not to receive a negative assessment from their surroundings.

How to learn to accept your mistakes (photo: Freepik)

Why it's normal to make mistakes

Any experience makes us who we are, as we learn, draw conclusions, and begin to understand ourselves better. Thanks to this, we achieve both big and small victories.

In addition, the fear of making a mistake often limits us in opportunities. It is much more uncomfortable to constantly live in anxiety and fear than to make mistakes. It is also important to remember that you are not the first person in this world to face failures.

How to learn to make mistakes?

Be a friend to yourself

Is there anyone in the world who never makes mistakes? Of course not, but we all differ in how we approach mistakes. Some forgive themselves and move on, while others get stuck in feelings of shame.

Giving yourself the right to be imperfect, forgiving yourself, and accepting yourself even with mistakes is not easy. Especially if a person is used to reacting sharply to mistakes.

In such cases, it is worth putting yourself in the place of your best friend. If he made a mistake and came to you feeling down, you would show him sympathy, care, and support. After all, you love and accept him as he is. So why not do the same for yourself?

Be prepared to take responsibility

The next step after self-acceptance should be the ability to take responsibility for your actions. And also for mistakes. Realizing that we are adults evokes mixed feelings. It is both scary and exciting at the same time.

On the one hand, it is scary to make a mistake because the consequences can be unpredictable, and we have to deal with them ourselves. But on the other hand, it makes life much easier because only we can evaluate our failures. And only we can decide what importance to attach to them.

Avoid black-and-white thinking

Situations are hopeless, I am powerless - these are black-and-white thinking patterns that should be questioned. They usually come emotional.

Therefore, it is worth first stopping anxious thoughts and calming down, and then calmly analyzing mistakes. You can describe the situation in detail in a journal, which will help you look at it from a different angle.