Are you wasting your life? 8 hidden signs and real plan to change it now
How to understand that you are not living your life and what can be changed (photo: freepik.com)
Many people spend years, and sometimes even their entire lives, following others' expectations instead of their own desires. They build careers, start families, rush somewhere every day — and still feel empty inside. How can you tell if your life isn't following your own script, and what steps can you take to regain control?
Vitalii Kursik, a life coach and sexologist, shared insights with RBC-Ukraine about how to recognize that you’re not living your life and how to change that.
Signs you're not living your life
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You constantly feel tired and irritated without any obvious reason.
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Your achievements don’t bring joy, but rather relief ("Finally, it’s over").
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You feel like no one understands you, not even your closest people.
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Your life choices are determined by others: parents, friends, or societal expectations.
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Decisions are made for the sake of "I have to," not "I want to."
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You have a hard time waking up in the morning, not because you’re tired, but because you don’t want to face the day.
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You often ask yourself: "Is this it?"
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You frequently dream of a life completely different from the one you have.
"It feels like everything is in place. There’s work. There are friends. There’s a plan for the weekend. But something is off. Sometimes it comes quietly — a feeling that you’re living someone else’s script. The choices that once seemed logical are no longer yours. Dreams have long been packed away in a box labeled "someday." And life feels like a series you watch not with interest, but out of duty," says the expert.
Why this happens
Most of us learn in childhood to meet other people's standards — "be good," "get a prestigious education," "start the right family." Gradually, we become so accustomed to external expectations that we stop hearing our own true desires. And we start feeling unhappy.
"And then the question arises: 'How do I start living authentically?' You don’t have to change everything all at once. But you can take the first, very honest step: start listening to yourself. Not the voice that says 'be like everyone else,' but the one that whispers something quiet, sincere, and a little scary. Ask yourself: 'What do I truly want?' 'What gives me energy?' 'What would I do if no one judged me?' advises the coach.
What to do in such a situation?
Stop and ask yourself honest questions:
What do I really want? Whose dreams am I living right now?
Gradually regain control:
Small changes (like choosing your own hobby) will gradually lead to bigger ones.
Don’t fear conflicts:
Choosing yourself is okay. Those who truly value you will stay by your side.
Seek support:
A psychotherapist or coach can help you figure out where you’ve betrayed yourself.
Learn to say "no":
A clear refusal where others impose their expectations on you is the first step to freedom.
'Living someone else’s life is like wearing someone else’s clothes. It’s uncomfortable, exhausting, and awkward. Returning to yourself begins with an honest conversation about your true desires. Living your own life isn’t about grand changes. It’s about returning to yourself. Little steps. With care. No shouting. But with truth,' sums up Vitalii Kursik."
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