10 signs on first date that you’re dealing with abuser
First dates are filled with emotions and expectations; everything seems wonderful, and he is just the one you’ve been waiting for. Don’t rush, pay close attention to these signals to recognize an abuser in time. (An abuser is someone who misuses their position, power, or influence to control or harm others. Abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, or economic).
How to identify an abuser on the first date is explained to RBC-Ukraine by Natalia Harina, a Ukrainian psychology master and psychotherapist.
Excessive charm
If your partner displays excessive charm, showers you with compliments, and makes grand gestures on the first date, it might be a sign of manipulation. Abusers often use this tactic to quickly gain your trust.
Control and intrusion
Questions about where you’ve been, whom you’ve talked to, and what you’ve been doing might seem like concern. However, if these questions are excessive and occur on the first date, it could indicate controlling behavior.
Disrespect for boundaries
A man who does not respect your personal boundaries might be a potential abuser. If he insists on physical contact or pressures you to do things you don’t want to, it’s a troubling sign.
Jealousy and possessiveness
If a man displays jealousy or possessive traits on the first date, such as showing interest in your past relationships or expressing concern about your friends, it could be a signal of a potential problem.
Poor treatment of others
Pay attention to how the man treats other people, such as waitstaff or taxi drivers. If he is rude or disrespectful to them, it could indicate his true character and how he might treat you in the future.
Rapid declarations of love
Declarations of love or referring to you as his "other half" on the first date might be an attempt at manipulation. Abusers often use such statements to emotionally bind you.
Idealization and devaluation
Abusers may initially place you on a pedestal and then suddenly criticize you for minor faults. If you feel that the man initially idealizes you and then devalues you, it is a troubling sign.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the abuser makes you doubt your own reality. If the man tries to convince you that you misunderstood or misremembered something, it could be a sign of gaslighting.
Unpredictable behavior
A man who shows sharp mood or behavior changes can be dangerous. If he alternates between being overly attentive and suddenly becoming cold or rude, it might indicate emotional instability.
Ignoring your feelings
If the man ignores your feelings or does things that upset you, it's a troubling sign. Abusers often disregard their partner’s feelings, focusing solely on their own needs.
"First dates are a time for getting to know each other and enjoying new relationships. However, it’s important to be attentive to your partner’s behavior and not ignore troubling signals. If you notice even a few of these signs, you should reconsider the appropriateness of continuing the relationship with this person. Safety and health—both physical and emotional—should always come first," emphasizes Natalia Harina.
