Why it's hard for 40-year-old men to build serious and lasting relationships: 7 reasons
Why 40-year-old men fail to build long-term relationships (photo: Getty Images)
The age of 40 is not a sentence. This is a time when you already have life experience, and understand your values and needs, but you may still face internal barriers that prevent you from building long-term relationships, states Vitalii Kursik, a life coach and sexologist.
1. Unresolved traumas of the past
Divorce, failed relationships, or infidelity can leave emotional wounds. If you are still holding a grudge or are afraid of repeating the pain, it blocks your openness to new feelings.
"But it is worth remembering that the next relationship can be happy and it will be a completely different person," the coach emphasizes.
2. Habit of independence
During the years of loneliness, a person gets used to living by their own rules: their own rhythm of life, routine, and habits. The thought of adapting to someone else may cause resistance.
3. Excessive expectations
With age, a clear idea of an ideal partner is formed. The problem is that this "ideal" often has nothing to do with reality. No one is perfect, and that's okay.
"It's almost impossible to meet an ideal partner who exists only in your imagination. And while you're looking for the non-existent, absolutely real women with whom you could be happy are just passing by in your life," the expert says.
4. Fear of losing freedom
Relationships take time, effort, and a willingness to give in. If you think that a partnership automatically means a loss of freedom, this can hold you back from building a deeper connection.
5. Stereotypes about age
Some people believe that "everything good is already taken" or "it's too late to start something new and serious at 40". These thoughts turn into a barrier that prevents them from even trying to build a relationship.
"There are no restrictions; in many countries of the world, it is considered normal to form a couple at the age of 40. And at the age of 50-60-70 is also normal. As long as a person is alive and able to love someone," the expert emphasizes.
6. Lack of communication skills
The ability to build relationships is not an innate talent, but a skill. If you don't have positive examples of couples in your environment who know how to communicate and resolve conflicts, you may find it difficult to build rapport.
7. Fear of looking vulnerable
As people get older, they become more defensive. It becomes harder to open up to another person, to show your weaknesses. But without this openness, it is impossible to build a trusting relationship.
What can be fixed
Deal with the past. If you are haunted by old traumas, see a psychologist or coach to work through them.
Revise your expectations. Instead of looking for the "perfect" partner, focus on being happy together.
Be open-minded. Give new acquaintances a chance and don't try to judge a person right away.
Develop communication skills. Learn to listen, talk about your needs, and accept the other person.
Don't be afraid to take risks. Love is always a certain adventure. But without risk, there are no chances.
"Turning 40 is just a new stage of life, not the endpoint. If you are ready for change, you will find what you are looking for. The main thing is to believe in yourself and be open to opportunities," Vitalii Kursik emphasizes.
