Savior complex. Top cases when it is better not to help people
When help can be harmful (photo: Freepik)
Some people like to impose their help or rush to solve other people's problems. They often have a so-called savior complex.
Why people become like this
At the heart of the savior complex is a person's lack of self-worth. They see their value only when they are useful to others.
Probably, in childhood, the person had to earn the love of their parents. They grew up, and now they have a strong need to be useful to others, to demonstrate their indispensability to them.
However, the reward for a constant desire to help is not always gratitude. Over time, others begin to take selflessness for granted and get angry when a person refuses to help instead of the usual willingness to help.
The role of a rescuer has several hidden "benefits":
- a person gains a sense of self-worth and self-esteem when they help others
- the helper has the ability to control various aspects. This is often abused by parents towards their adult children, constantly imposing their help on them
- a lonely person can find friends through helping others
- a person can be driven by an idealistic desire to save the world. And in order to bring order to the universe, they help others
- rescuing someone is a way to forget about your own unsolved problems. And very often, the savior will seek to help someone who has the same problems as him or her
What to do when someone asks for help
First of all, you need to try to understand why they asked you for help. There may be several reasons. Or you may realize your own savior complex.
Perhaps you have weak or no personal boundaries, or you don't know how to say no.
It is also important to be able to distribute responsibility. In particular, whether you should really solve problems instead of another person.
If the person asking for help is an adult who does not have serious health problems, they may be able to put their own life in order without your help. Another reason may be that the person does not want to do this, so they turn to you.
Danger of unsolicited help
It's best to pay attention to your own life, because you also have unresolved issues, so deal with them and be happy.
Many psychologists recommend not helping a person until they ask for help. They may not need your services as much as you think.
Sometimes it turns out that the desire to help is more your need to feel needed or to assert yourself through someone else.
Parents should be aware that constantly helping their child with everything carries another threat. If the child does not learn to cope with difficulties on his or her own and does not realize that not everything in the world happens the way he or she wants, then more serious problems will arise in the future.
