How to end relationship with liar: Life coach shares practical advice
Advice for those struggling with lies in a relationship (photo: Styler)
A partner’s lies can prompt you to end a relationship, but finding the courage to have that conversation can be difficult. A person may start making excuses for their partner, wait for the right moment, and, after the breakup, keep searching for answers in the past again and again.
Life coach Vitalii Kursik explains how to get through this stage once you have already decided to end the relationship.
Don’t look for excuses to stay
Kursik begins with the situation in which a person has already exposed their partner’s lie and feels that things cannot continue this way. This is when they may want to downplay what happened and convince themselves to give the relationship another chance.
"Don’t look for evidence to convince yourself that you should stay. You’ve already caught the moment when your inner voice said ‘stop,’ and the worst thing you can do is start proving to yourself that things are actually not that bad," the life coach says.
He calls this justification of the situation rationalization and warns that it can delay the decision for a long time.
"This is called rationalization, and it eats up years of the lives of people who actually understood everything in the first month," Kursik notes.
A breakup conversation doesn’t have to be perfect
Another trap is waiting for the moment when it will be possible to break up calmly and painlessly. According to the life coach, the desire to end a relationship beautifully can sometimes cause people to delay the conversation.
"The conversation about ending a relationship doesn’t have to be perfect. Many people delay a breakup because they are waiting for the ‘right moment’ or want everything to end beautifully, without tears and drama. That moment will not come," the life coach says.
He emphasizes that nervousness and poorly chosen words do not mean that a person is not ready to express their decision.
"Sometimes you just have to say what needs to be said, even if your voice is shaking and the words don’t come out as beautifully as you had rehearsed them in your head," Kursik explains.
Don’t stay stuck endlessly analyzing the past
After a relationship ends, questions may remain. A person recalls conversations and events, trying to understand when the deception began and why they did not notice it earlier.
"After ending a relationship with someone who lied, there will be a temptation to ‘figure out why it happened,’ meaning to replay everything again and look for moments when you could have noticed something earlier," the life coach says.
Kursik advises distinguishing between processing the experience and constantly returning to the same emotions.
"This is a normal stage, but it has to end rather than become a new way of life. Analysis is useful once, to conclude, not every month on repeat," he notes.
Allow yourself to put an end to it
In conclusion, Kursik returns to a person’s right to decide what kind of relationship they want to remain in.
"And perhaps most importantly. Leaving a relationship with a liar is rarely about ‘right or wrong.’ It is about deciding that you no longer want to live in a reality that another person imposes on you. That is enough," the life coach concludes.
